'She asked for feedback': Employee offers new boss 'open and honest' critique, boss gets upset

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Apr 30, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

Giving feedback is a delicate skill that this person might not have mastered quite yet. This worried employee wrote to r/AmItheA**hole for some much-needed feedback of his own!

As u/Davetherocker wrote, he has had a new boss for only about four months, but she's experienced in the field. However, she's still finding her footing with the team she's managing, though the OP writes he and the team are supporting her as she learns the ropes. 

The OP's troubles started during a team meeting. It seems very awkward the way he describes it. He writes that at the group meeting, the boss asked for "feedback on her performance," but all of the team members just praised her without actually giving any real criticisms. Now that he's been extra honest in front of the entire team, he's wondering if he made a mistake. 

Next, these food service workers share the funniest things people have ever said to them at the workplace, like one woman who insisted on having vegan deviled eggs. 

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    Cheezburger Image 9758432256
    via Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 9758427904
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 03
    Font - At the moment though she's still in watch and learn mode and is shadowing us and asking our opinions on things, which is better than arrogantly assuming she knows better than people who've done it for years. I'm pleased she's here and want to support her.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 04
    Font - We've just had a team meeting and at the end she asked for feedback on her performance and anything she should start or stop. Everyone else was really effusive about her people skills and how she's making an effort to learn all the processes but no real 'constructive' feedback.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 05
    Font - I decided to be open and honest and said I agreed about her people skills but that I thought she needed to become more decisive about some things (more general transferable things) and stop trying to always seek consensus because it was making our meetings take too long.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 06
    Font - She looked a bit upset initially but then asked some questions about what I said and summarised her understanding. I thought the message had got through and I felt she would try to act on the feedback.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 07
    Font - Since then my colleagues have been angry with me and said I was trying to bully her and was being totally unreasonable given how long she's been here. I think I was answering her request for feedback in good faith but I am now worried that I wasn't due to her. AITA?
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 08
    Font - NGDGUnpunished. Pooperintendant [65] NTA because she asked for feedback, but there's a general rule of "praise in public, critcize in private". Your feedback might have been better received in a one-on-one meeting and wouldn't have resulted in the blow-back from your colleagues.
    via u/NGDGUnpunished
  • 09
    Font - Fluid Cauliflower237 Parta: pant [2] NTA. Constructive feedback is better than being a "yes" person.
    via u/Fluid_Cauliflower237
  • 10
    Font - Davetherocker OP. I agree. Just don't want to knock her down.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 11
    Font - Fluid Cauliflower237 Partas pant [2] Absolutely. Also, the words you used vs. what you meant to say could play a part here. I can be overly blunt so I do have to think about the words I'm using and how the others may perceive them. Just a thought
    via u/Fluid_Cauliflower237
  • 12
    Font - Quant75. A e Enthusiast [8] NTA. She was asking for the feedback and also in front of everybody. Also from what you describe she wasn't annoyed but thinking about it. So no problem there.
    via u/Quant75
  • 13
    Font - Deshackled Probably the AH. If you suspect you came off poorly then you probably did. Talk with her about it, let her know you respect her enough to give honest feedback, but that you're concerned the delivery might have been a little different than you intended. Turn this into a good situation by letting her know you want to contribute to her success.
    via u/Deshackled
  • 14
    Font - Davetherocker OP. Thanks. I believe what I said was right but I am worried now about my delivery and that I might have knocked her. I didn't mean to do that.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 15
    Font - Little-Conference-67 Go have a private discussion and clear the air. Feedback isn't useful if it isn't truthful.
    via u/Little-Conference-67
  • 16
    Font - ConstantineWolf YTA - constructive feedback is important, but it should have happened privately so as not to undermine her credibility in front of other employees. 5 Reply Share Davetherocker OP. Thanks. I did want to say it but maybe I would have been better doing it privately. I think she'd have accepted it. She seems ok.
    via u/ConstantineWolf
  • 17
    Font - brokenhousewife_. Aficionado [18] A Info: how is your delivery, are you abrasive? Based on the response, YTA. There's feedback and then there's just critiquing & making someone feel bad about themselves. Calling yourself 'blunt' is just and being an as not caring about other peoples feelings. The whole 'tell it like it is' approach.
    via u/brokenhousewife_
  • 18
    Font - Davetherocker OP. I wasn't trying to be. I think she's good and I was trying to explain my one frustration. I'm possibly a bit blunt, my colleagues know this. I hope she realises this too.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 19
    Font - Rhewin Professor Emerita... There's blunt and then there's rude. Unless you literally said "you're annoyingly indecisive and it wastes everyone's time," I doubt you were rude.
    via u/Rhewin
  • 20
    Font - Davetherocker OP I don't think I was rude but I've been worrying that when everyone who's known you for years excuses you for being 'blunt', new people might think I'm rude. Thanks
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 21
    Font - BeeIngBee23 NTA, Feedback is important and constructive, just telling people how great they are does nothing. Don't worry
    via u/BeeIngBee23
  • 22
    Font - bordennium. Pooperintendant [54] I'm gonna go with my gut and say YTA. It's a hard one, but it sounds like the way you phrased it gave off an unintentionally harsh tone. Did you literally tell her that she's too indecisive and causes meetings to take too long? Because d that is a horrible way to put that. "If you combined your amazing people skills with a more decisive strategy, I think our meetings could be even more efficient than they already are." There. Constructive feedback without
    via u/bordennium
  • 23
    Font - It clearly put her off, and she's good with people, so you can be pretty sure that you're in the wrong here. That fact is only corroborated by the fact that your coworkers noticed too.
    via u/bordennium

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